I read a book, a book which was fiction but based on something which is a reality, sometimes evident, but most times hidden. Sometimes, we see it yet we pretend not to see it, and sometimes, the few bold humans take action against it, sometimes for themselves and sometimes for others.
This truth of life is a global phenomenon, it captures any age, any educational status, any economic status. It arises from a primitive thought which in some people, even the highest education does not abolish. Sometimes it is passed from generation to generation gaining momentum and never losing its capacity to destroy everything in its wake.
But the basic plot rests on domestic violence. It’s not only the physical but the emotional intimidation and threats. The pain of the constant attack of one’s self esteem is felt at a physical level and is as bad as getting hit at all levels, physical, emotional, and mental strength.
It sucks the self confidence and leaves a woman, dry as a husk, thereby leading to wrong decisions. I have seen by friends abusing their wives verbally, I have seen the wives taking it as due. I have seen the coldness extending to the children and I wonder why???
This book made me think as to why women stay with their abusers?? Is it because we become scared as time goes on, is it because abuse becomes our comfort zone or is it because it is always better to stick to a known enemy.
Have I been abused?? Yes unfortunately I have…
Did I realize I was being abused, when I was a child, no and as an adult, yes
Then why did I stay with such a man- that’s simple to answer, I blamed myself for the man showing his abusing facet.
Why didn’t I leave him- partly because of the indian society, my parents’ expectations and their respect in the society but largely because I didn’t want to give up. If I have made my man into a person who threats, which is totally way off for him, then I can unmake him too, at least that was the belief I had so I stayed
Luckily he realized what he was turning into and what our relationship was becoming and took a stand to part but stay as friends.
Am I responsible in any way – yes, I still believe so, coz I pushed and pushed him to be something he wasn’t and something he didn’t want to be.
Was I an abuser then, yes I believe so. I did use my tears to get my work done. I did make my fears of unknown make me into a person unknown to me.
Why do we play these games and will we ever stop playing such power games?
Are such games a part of abuse or would you call only intimidation and threats and physical trauma an abuse?
I don’t want judgements on this post. I don’t want what should be and could be. I want an honest opening up of emotions. It is fine, if you can’t open up to have a discussion
I opened up and put forth my thoughts.
The darker parts of abuse are still what nightmares are made up of, so I am still not ready to open that box.
This is about the equation in relationships…