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Am I a kind person??? Am I kind to the people who love me??? 

This question has been running through my mind for the last couple of weeks. And the answer is – No, not always 

Why are we unkind to the people we profess to love??? 

When a person is unkind to me or calls me names which are untrue, I immediately know he/she is unkind. And I move away from such people. They bring too much negativity wherever they go. 

After dealing with my hurt, I have realized that I too have been unkind to my family. I have taken them for granted, we always assume that people who love us will stand by us, and no apology seems good enough for my words. The only way I can redeem myself is through my actions and thinking before I say such words. There is a proverb think before you leap– and it’s true for speech too

It is so easy to be unkind and say hurtful words. We can also justify it by saying that we were just speaking the truth. But most people don’t take the time to think their words through, they are always in a hurry to justify their own actions. 

I have always said words are powerful… 

There are going to be people who say truth is the pathway to greatness. I believe that but words said, so that you can justify your own action without listening to the other person is not truth, it can never be the truth. It is known as judgement. It is said there is his side, there is her side and there is the truth. 

Words have 2 pathways: what we speak and how it lands in the opposite person’s listening. We can justify our words as truth, but if it lands on our loved ones as hurting words and makes them cry – what is the use of such words??? Every word we speak to our loved ones can be said in a kind manner, without belittling them or losing track of the truth. Believing one’s words to be the holy truth and humiliating the other person’s dignity is not raising oneself truly. We can only raise ourselves by our kind and dignified actions not by hurt. I believe in karma.

Henceforth, I am going to be kind to my family and loved ones at all times, even when things in my life are topsy-turvy. It is better not to speak than to speak cruel, hurtful words in the name of truth. 

Kindness is important, and kindness begets kindness. If we are not kind, why and how can we expect the world to be kind to us???  

86 Responses

      1. Shalini,

        but you must not be tired.You must be brave and yourself.Unkind people and comments (haters) are good sign that you are on the right track.

        1. Sometimes, it is weary on the soul when people I love(rather loved) say such stuff, judge me in spite of knowing my heart.
          I can’t change them but I can definitely change my ways with my family and friends…

          1. You said it well.You can not change them.You can and you must change yourself on the way that their comments does not disturb you.In fact you are the only person you can change in your life.

          2. True that… And I am learning.. In the past few days I have heard quite a few negative comments from random people on Facebook based on me being an Indian and I am learning to not carry their negativity as an extra baggage..
            Some people are like that…
            Thank you for encouraging me. I appreciate you taking the time to understand and write

          3. These negative comments speak only about them, not about you and your work.Always is It’s more important who give you a comment than what is written in the comment.. Keep up with great work ! Thank you

          4. I did Ben, via your site… But then I don’t know if the comment reached you as I couldn’t see my comment after I posted it

          5. Yes I receive it. Thank you so much for them.I just added your name, but I checked first is it you. I must manually approve all comments on my blog.This is the not to miss some comment 🙂 Thank you

  1. Very beautifully expressed. I agree with all what you said , I felt like your heartfelt words were being penned down in a nicely convincing way with a true sense of deep meaning. Totally loved reading this post.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. I was struggling with this question for quite some time. Today morning I got up with the words. Thank you for reading and understanding it.

    1. Thank you so much… I have been troubled with some questions in this month… I am trying to deal with them one by one.. I am hoping to find peace at the end. Thank you for your words of encouragement

  2. Ok… that means now you are not gonna shout at me. whatever I do.. 😀 😀
    Jokes apart.. yes kindness is very important. But even in my case, I tend to be harsh at times, especially when people do silly mistakes. But when I think about it later, I realise that everyone is different and have different levels of understanding. Just by being rude and careless in a talk I am just going to hurt another person for no reason. So generally I try not to talk under these circumstances. That helps a lot.
    btw .. nice write-up! and keep up the promise. 🙂

    1. No I am never going to shout at you hehe that’s your wife’s department 😂😂
      But people have forgotten kindness, I feel. Even I get angry so frequently but nowadays I take a back step when I want to scream. I tell the other person I need time to cool down and then I talk. But like everything else this needs regular practice. And sometimes I forget and become over emotional then the wrong words are spilt. How much ever I say sorry, I can’t take back my words. So I thought why utter them in a way which hurts my loved ones… Not worth it.
      I learnt this lesson when the man I liked said some words which were not true about me without allowing me to put across my point of view. I was not given the benefit of doubt. I was becoming bitter and rude. I then realized I don’t want to become this person, so I have looked deep into myself and my soul, to find some answers

      1. True Shalini, its always better to wait and talk than being so spontaneous .. especially when things of serious nature. When you are hurry to deliver a talk, you don’t have time to think from another angle. That’s when things break. But both sides have to understand this. On the other hand, If someone just blasting you, that the good opportunity to learn about a person. People reveal lot more than they intend to when they are angry. But yes its very important not to become that person. 🙂

        1. Very true Raj I have also believed that people reveal more when they are angry. Thank you for bringing home that point. I had forgotten about it

          1. Yes, Shalini.. We act to look like we are very sophisticated and well mannered in general. Only when things go wrong we show our real self. Sometimes you will see some of the greatest resilience in people when they are under stress… that’s when ones composure shines … that is the real strength and ability of a balanced minds. Also remember that always greatest turning points are achieved under these circumstance. So I always feel its a good thing happening. I wrote about “breakout” sometime back.. if you haven’t read it please read it. Welcome the breakouts! 🙂

  3. when a person is worried about whether they are kind or not, it’s because they care enough . the truth sometimes hurts, but it’s the lie that is unkind. we can always stay silent or change the topic when we know the truth is something people can’t handle.

    1. Very true, Jina. I care. I don’t want to become an unkind person. I don’t like telling lies and I want to remain a good person. Certain questions are troubling me, so I am hoping I will find an answer to them and write. We all need peace of mind and soul

          1. That’s how kind people stay kind, Shalini, they aspire to become better. My kids are great – giving me grey hair and taking away a few of the years i don’t need, and i’ve finished the first editorial round. I’m supposed to hear back from Elle soon. Thanks for asking.

  4. It’s wonderful you ask the question. And for our interaction over the last 4 to 6 months, I know you are kind. Experience with certain people or the impact of external things sometimes makes us unkind. I believe we have the ability to be the most unkind to the people who care for us the most because underneath it all, we know there’s a stronger chance we will be forgiven.
    I’m proud of your decision to change the route and hope it works out. It’s not been easy for you, but ultimately, you have the most astute and open-minded approach to figuring it all out. You will get there. Big virtual hugs thru the Internet just sent to you!

    1. Aww.. Jay… Your answers give me the most pleasure to read.. Somehow you have the ability to see beneath my layers and look directly into my soul. I know it is tough sometimes to hold the words but I want to do it. I want to understand and realize how hurt people feel when I say stuff without thinking. These small things matter.
      As you have rightly said, I have been unkind to family because I know I would be forgiven but that is where I am most wrong.
      I should cherish people who love me rather than take them for granted. Life is finite better to live it well. I don’t want to remembered for my blog or my writing, I want to be remembered for my kindness, after I am gone.
      Internet blog virtual world are just that virtual. People lie, they are fake. But few people like you are the ones who make me feel fortunate, life worth living.
      Our friendship though started formally, is now in a place where the connection is strong. Thank you for all your virtual hugs.
      I am your biggest fan girl from day 1 with due apologies to your other half.
      I am always there whenever you need me. Your friendship matters to me 💗💗

  5. Sometimes I think I am too kind. I struggle with standing up to my mom who is still verbally abusive towards me despite the fact that I’m an adult. You’d think that at this point she wouldn’t try (s)mothering me.

    1. Oh… My dad was but I asked him not to talk to me if he used that tone. Mum is my best friend. It’s just about telling them firmly that you don’t like such words/tone. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell such words to parents. And sometimes we have to just for our mental health

  6. Do we ever be kind to our eyes or hands or legs who does so much to us.

    Our one hand never thanks our other hand after washing each other . Our heart pumping blood tirelessly since we born. Hence we think our each part of body as one…. Similarly … People who are closed to us. Our mind is not trained to praise them.

    I think emotions are important expression s are secondary…?

    What do you say shalini…

    1. I don’t agree. I am talking about kindness towards people who are there with us. We might have lots of emotions till they are expressed in the right way, those emotions are of no use. For example a man can say he loves his wife but still screams at her most days – what is the use of that love?? Emotions need the right way to be expressed

    2. People who are close to us are the ones to be acknowledged always. Saying our mind not trained is an escape route. Who trained your mind?? You yourself so re-train it to acknowledge and be kind to your loved ones. Giving example of hand and feet does not do the trick here. Even your loved will get frustrated with you if you don’t acknowledge them or be kind to them

        1. And we don’t need to thank our hand or leg or heart they are all governed by the brain so thank your brain when it works. Similarly our loved ones our family our spouses all need to be thanked praised acknowledged and kindness is a must

          1. Wow that interpretation I never thought . Its new learning for me indeed.

            You have explained my example in more meaningful way.

            Thank you for your reply.

  7. Loved this. We all could use that reminder, because we’ve all been unkind to someone at some point. The key is to forgive yourself, start over, and recognize the negative energy in others.

    1. Very true… Rightly said.. Every day I make a conscious effort to be kind… As sometimes too many other things intrude. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I liked what you said about negative energy.

    1. Very true sir, thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it. I would rather be known as a kind person than a famous blogger

        1. I hope so too.. Fingers crossed.. I have met few good people but most are bad. People change with time and circumstances. I don’t know why. Commitment to the spoken is seldom seen. I have met only 1 or 2 people like that in 4 decades

  8. I think we bring these people to ourselves with our way of thinking. I believe that it is our soul that is attempting to cleanse our minds. Please visit heaventruth.com for more information on the soul.

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